Articles by John Sharry
I think my young teenager is too young to have a boyfriend
Parent Question:My daughter is nearly 14. She has her moments, but she is generally a great teenager (her older brother was much harder work!). She is fairly self-assured, loves sports and doing well at school and is starting her second year in secondary school. She has never really had a best friend, but used to … Continue reading I think my young teenager is too young to have a boyfriend
How do I stop my boy putting his hands down his pants?
QUESTION: My seven-year-old son has got into the habit of putting his hands down his pants and leaving them there. He tends to do it while watching TV and it seems purely a comfort thing. I tell him to stop and he takes his hands away but then a few minutes later he puts them … Continue reading How do I stop my boy putting his hands down his pants?
My 15-year-old son is heartbroken after breaking up with his girlfriend
QUESTION: My son, who will be 16 soon, broke up with his girlfriend four weeks ago. They knew each before and got together at the Gaeltacht in June. To be honest, I was glad when they broke up as it seemed a bit of an intense relationship for him so young (she is the same … Continue reading My 15-year-old son is heartbroken after breaking up with his girlfriend
How do I help my broken hearted son?
QUESTION: My son was going out with a girl for the past two years, since he was 15. They broke up a couple of months ago and, at the time, my husband and I were relieved as we thought it was becoming a little intense and distracting him from his studies. However, it has hit him hard … Continue reading How do I help my broken hearted son?
My 11 year old son has been looking at adult sites online
Q. We have a family PC in the living room and the children use it for homework and games and we always supervise their use. Reviewing the history the other day I discovered that my eldest son who is 11 years old was looking at adult sites – when he put in the term “sex” in Google. He must have been doing it when we were briefly out of the room.
Should I let my 13 year old go to the teenage disco?
Q. There is a teenage disco in our local area and my 13-year-old daughter is very keen to go. Though it seems to be well organised and just targeted at first years, I feel a bit reluctant to let her go. I might be a bit old-fashioned and just think 13 is too young. I also worry about what goes on at these discos with the way the girls dress in an over-sexualised way and all that might go on with the boys. My daughter is a sensible girl who hasn’t given me much trouble.
My daughter has been sexting
Q. The other night when my daughter, who is 16, went out, she left her phone behind. I know I shouldn’t have, but curiosity got the better of me and I looked through her texts. I just wanted to check she was okay because she hasn’t been communicating a lot with me lately. However, I was shocked at what I discovered. On the phone were a number of explicit sexual texts between her and a boy in the local area.
I think my 14 year old son might be gay
Q. I think my 14-year-old-son who is an only child might be gay. It is something I always had in the back of my mind because he has always been different and quite effeminate, but now I feel there are more definite signs in what he is saying and what he is wearing, etc. To be honest, I feel I would be fine about it, though part of me would be sad that I won’t be having any grandchildren. I would worry a lot for him though. We live in a small rural town and I’d worry that he would get picked on or bullied if he came out as being gay.
Caught in bed by my 10-year-old daughter.
Q. My daughter, who is almost 11, walked in on my husband and me when we were having sex. It was late at night and we assumed she was asleep. It was all quite embarrassing and we are not sure how much she saw or how long she was there when we spotted her. In the moment, we were both very flustered and shouted for her to go back to her room.
My 17 year old daughter’s boyfriend is 21.
Q. I am writing to you in connection with my teenage daughter. She is 17 years old and is doing her final year at school. She is dating a guy who has just turned 21. While her father and I don’t agree with this we’re not sure how to go about it as we are afraid we will push her towards him even more if we tell her we don’t want her seeing him. He is not from our area and we don’t know much about him except that he works and, according to her, he has a good job. She is very cautious when we ask for information about him.
My son has been watching porn on his phone
Q. We bought our 17-year-old son a smartphone five months ago for his birthday. He had been pressing to get one for ages, “like all his friends”, and we finally gave in. He was out the other day and had forgotten to take his phone with him, which is unusual as it is normally welded to him. I took the opportunity to look at it. I know I shouldn’t have, but I was curious to see what he was up to on it. Looking at his history and apps I discovered he was regularly accessing porn and adult sites. As his mother, I was a little shocked.
Our son has a ‘girly’ side
Q. Our five-year-old son, the youngest of three boys, has always been drawn to what he calls “girly things”. He loves dolls, buggies, magazines aimed at young girls, etc. Apart from his brothers, most of his friends are girls. We have always accommodated his preferences as much as possible, although I’ve drawn the line at allowing him to leave the house in a princess dress as I don’t want people to laugh at him or bully him.
How to explain teenage pregnancy to my girls?
Q. My 17-year-old niece, who has always being a bit wild and impulsive, has just announced she is pregnant. She is no longer with her boyfriend, so it is likely she will be parenting alone. Although they are putting on a brave face publicly, I know my sister and her husband are privately devastated because they think she is too young – my sister has told me in the past that this is her worst fear. My question is about what to say to my own two girls (aged eight and 12) about the news. They see a lot of my niece and are very fond of her.
Facts of Life: At what age should we tell our children about sex?
Q. My nine-year-old daughter asked me out of the blue last night, “How do you get a baby?” I was a little shocked and, as I was thinking what to say, she then told me that her friend told her that “the boy and girl have to have sex”. She then became shy about it and didn’t say any more. I changed the subject and asked her how her friend could think she would know about these things. She told me her friend had heard it from an older sister. I didn’t say any more and the conversation then moved on.
I’m worried my 16 year old is having sex
Q. My 16-year-old son has his first serious girlfriend who is the same age. They seem to be “madly in love” and want to spend every waking hour with each other. This is fine, to a degree, and I remember being in love as a teenager myself, but I am worried that it is all a bit too serious. I am particularly worried that they might have sex and I find myself supervising or chaperoning them when they are in the house to the point that it must be annoying.