Articles by John Sharry
Should we allow our 17-year-old to drink at home with us?
Parent Question:My 16-year-old son (17 in a few weeks) has been dropping hints he wants to start drinking. My husband and I don’t drink that much at all but when we are having a bottle of wine at the weekend or at family events, he always asks to have glass. We have always adopted the … Continue reading Should we allow our 17-year-old to drink at home with us?
‘Pressure Points’ Part 1: Being Protective V Being Permissive
This is part 1 of a six-part series of articles that describes evidence-based and practical parenting principles on how to positively influence your children and help them grow up into responsible adults. Children and young people are under increased pressures to become involved in risky and harmful activities such as smoking, drinking, drug taking as … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 1: Being Protective V Being Permissive
‘Pressure Points’ Part 6: Building your child’s resilience
Over the last five articles in my “Pressure Points” series I have explored what parents can do to empower their children to make responsible choices around risky behaviours such smoking, drinking, sex and the dangers on the Internet. In this last article, I explore how parents can build resilience in their children so they have … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 6: Building your child’s resilience
‘Pressure Points’ Part 5: How to help your child avoid ‘falling in with the wrong crowd’
As children grow older, a big worry for parents is that their children might “fall in with the wrong crowd” or be part of a negative or irresponsible peer group. You might have a child who is already “easily led” or who has a tendency to be “impulsive” and you know that with the influence … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 5: How to help your child avoid ‘falling in with the wrong crowd’
‘Pressure Points’ Part 4: Making rules and building responsibility
In recent times we have read about the problems of being a “helicopter parent” who “hovers” over children becoming over-involved, deciding too much for children and not giving them the freedom to learn from their own mistakes. However, equally problematic is “over-permissive” or “disengaged” parenting, when anything goes and children are given too much freedom … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 4: Making rules and building responsibility
‘Pressure Points’ Part 3: Talking to your children about dangers
When thinking of all the dangers that confront our children (such as alcohol, drugs, the internet, etc), it can be hard to know how and when to discuss these risks with them. Certainly, it is easy as parents to put these conversations on the long finger and to even avoid them altogether. Some parents feel … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 3: Talking to your children about dangers
‘Pressure Points’ Part 2: Five ways to connect with your children
Having a warm connected relationship with your children is definitely one of the most enjoyable aspects of parenting. Doing fun activities together, sharing experiences and having good conversations all make for creating deeply satisfying relationships between parents and children. Such connected relationships have enormous benefits for children, in terms of building their self-esteem and confidence … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 2: Five ways to connect with your children
‘Pressure Points’ 6-part series: How to help your children make good choices
Children and young people are under increased pressures to become involved in risky and harmful activities such as smoking, drinking, drug taking as well as new internet-related problems such as sexting, pornography or online bullying. Parents are right to be concerned and they have a key role in keeping their children and teenagers safe and … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ 6-part series: How to help your children make good choices
How do i deal with mum’s drinking without losing the kids?
Q. You recently wrote about a mother dealing with her ex’s drinking and I wondered how many men are in a similar position. I know I am. Mum drinks at home four or five nights a week, either on her own or with friends. The kids, who are teenagers, are watching this all the time. I protest about it and am told to mind my own business and threatened with separation and/or being thrown out of the house. The kids are now losing patience with it and get very cheeky with their mother when she has had a few drinks.
Our grown-up daughter is making us miserable
QUESTION: We need help in dealing with our 20-year-old daughter who is still very rebellious at home. She is in full-time education and we can’t afford to pay for her to live out of home. She can be disrespectful and moody and takes no part in family life (we have two younger children) and treats the … Continue reading Our grown-up daughter is making us miserable
My partner has started smoking again
QUESTION I have been with my partner for eight years and we have a 12-month-old daughter together. The issue that really bothers me is that he started smoking again seven months ago even though he knows I hate it. He didn’t tell me at first and was hiding it from me before I found out – … Continue reading My partner has started smoking again
My son blames me for the separation
Q. I separated from my husband just under two years ago, mainly due to his drinking and gambling. It has been a hard couple of years though things are a lot better now. My ex has got his act together. He lives with his mother, has stopped drinking and gambling and sees the children regularly. The problem is my oldest son who turned 13 last month. He has become really cheeky and disrespectful to me at home. He has been really critical of me and everything I do.
Should I allow my 16 year old son to drink alcohol?
Q. My son has just turned 16 and has been telling me that his friends have started drinking and he’s been joking that he should be allowed to drink too. He’s also been asking to go to house parties where I’m sure there will be drinking going on. Some of my friends have advised me that I should let him have a drink at home rather than having him do it behind my back. I’m not sure about doing this, and would greatly value your opinion.
My son is coming home drunk at night
I think my teenager is smoking
Q. I think my 13-year-old daughter, who has just begun second year, has started smoking. One day last week, when she came in from school, I got the whiff of smoke from her. When I asked her was she smoking, she denied it and gave an elaborate story, which I didn’t believe, but left it at that. Two nights later, I searched her room and did find a packet hidden with a few cigarettes in it. I asked her about them and she said she was minding them for a friend (15 year old), which I didn’t believe either.
How to explain their father’s alcoholism to teenagers?
Q. My ex-husband had and still has a strong dependence on alcohol. We live separately and generally have a good working relationship. But occasionally the children’s father phones and may be under the influence of drink and says out-of-hand things. How do I help the children (aged 15 and 13) deal with this as the incident may not be acknowledged again yet can upset them, particularly my 15-year-old son, who is striving to have a relationship with his dad?
Can my alcoholic father-in-law be trusted with a new baby?
Q.We are expecting our first child, and as we both work, we have begun discussing the various options available to us for day care. The main issue that has cropped up is how to collect our child from day care around our work schedules. One option is to ask my father-in-law. He is free on weekdays and all too happy to help out. However, he is an alcoholic. He lost his career because of it, and has on numerous occasions let his son down by being drunk.
How do I deal with their mum’s drinking without losing the kids?
Q. You recently wrote about a mother dealing with her ex’s drinking and I wondered how many men are in a similar position. I know I am. Mum drinks at home four or five nights a week, either on her own or with friends. The kids, who are teenagers, are watching this all the time. I protest about it and am told to mind my own business and threatened with separation and/or being thrown out of the house. The kids are now losing patience with it and get very cheeky with their mother when she has had a few drinks.
My son is using cannabis
Q. I think my 17 year old has started using cannabis and I am worried. Last week when I was cleaning his room, I found some of the paraphernalia for smoking cannabis. When I confronted him he went ballistic that I was “searching” his room and then denied he was smoking, before storming off. Since then, he hasn’t spoken to me. I don’t know what to believe. We have caught him using cannabis in the past, about a year ago, and he assured us it was a once-off.