Articles by John Sharry
My 17 year old feels panic at school
Parent Question:My 17-year-old son is in fifth year in school and says that he feels panicked at times – to the point that he cannot go into the school building (despite getting ready and walking there). Sometimes, he feels panicked when in the school and feels he has to leave. We want to support him … Continue reading My 17 year old feels panic at school
My nephew’s parents will not acknowledge that he has additional needs
Parenting Question:My brother and his wife have a five-year-old son with significant sensory communication and emotional needs. I work as a teacher, and I’m inferring that he might have ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) or autism. When he comes for a visit, or to family events, he can’t communicate and often has meltdowns. However, his parents are not willing to … Continue reading My nephew’s parents will not acknowledge that he has additional needs
My 13 year old can’t get back to sleep at night
Parent Question:My 13-year-old son is having difficulty sleeping. He has been having a lot of trouble getting up for school and it has become such a stressful rush in the mornings. When we were chatting last week, he revealed that he often wakes up at night and then can’t get back to sleep. He says … Continue reading My 13 year old can’t get back to sleep at night
My teenage son has social anxiety
Parent Question:I would like guidance on my 14-year-old son’s massive social anxiety. He is at the point where he won’t engage with anyone in his peer group or with siblings outside the front door. When his 15-year-old brother’s friends drop into the house, he will remove himself from the livingroom so he does not have … Continue reading My teenage son has social anxiety
My 6 year old hates homework. How do I manage this?
Parent Question:Our daughter is six, but we suspect – as does her current teacher – that she may have some ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) traits. She has no formal diagnosis. We are writing to see how best to help her with her homework. We moved as a family last summer, so she changed school and seems much … Continue reading My 6 year old hates homework. How do I manage this?
Misaphonia: My daughter hates the sound of her sister breathing and teacher’s voice
Parent Question:I think my daughter who recently turned 11 has developed misophonia (strong and negative reactions to sounds most people do not notice). For a couple of years, she has been very sensitive to certain sounds. Firstly, her younger sister’s breathing – who can be a bit nasal – used to bother her a lot … Continue reading Misaphonia: My daughter hates the sound of her sister breathing and teacher’s voice
My 23 year old daughter is angry at us for not getting autism diagnosis sooner
Parent Question:My daughter is 23 and doing her master’s in college. We had difficult teenage years with her, which involved extreme anxiety about school, self-harm (thankfully short-lived) and intense meltdowns. We attended CAMHS (HSE’s Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) a few times, but she did not like this. She was much happier in college, where … Continue reading My 23 year old daughter is angry at us for not getting autism diagnosis sooner
My daughter is anxious going in to college
Parent Question:We have a 17-year-old daughter who is diagnosed with autism and has an Education, Health and Care plan (EHCP). She found mainstream secondary school too much, so eventually we were able to get her one-to-one support and she managed to get five GCSEs after not having attended school for three years. She is very bright and … Continue reading My daughter is anxious going in to college
My twice exceptional child has trouble paying attention in class.
Parent Question:My 12-year-old son has dyslexia and ADHD (attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder). He complains of being bored in school and hates doing any homework. The teacher says he is often “switched off” in the classroom, particularly during maths, Irish and English. She says he is very bright because he can make great contributions when discussing subjects he loves, such as … Continue reading My twice exceptional child has trouble paying attention in class.
Our teenager doesn’t go to school- is the phone part of the problem?
Parent QuestionOur 16-year-old daughter has stopped going to school regularly. She says it’s because she can’t get up in the morning and doesn’t care about going to school. She says it is because of her anxiety and mental health issues. We took her to see our GP and also a private counsellor. We also talked to her school about … Continue reading Our teenager doesn’t go to school- is the phone part of the problem?
My fifteen-year-old wants to leave school
Parent Question:My 15-year-old son hates going to school. He was diagnosed with ADHD (attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder) and dyslexia last March. He is now in Junior Cert year and is not doing any homework or study. The teachers say he has largely switched off in classes and, of course, he is not doing well in school tests. The formal subjects, … Continue reading My fifteen-year-old wants to leave school
How to help my child who only wants to talk about his special interest?
Parent Question My six-year-old child has suspected ASD (autism spectrum disorder) and ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). Sometimes, he wants to talk about the same thing over and over again, but the thing he wishes to speak about is often quite obscure – eg the junction numbers on the motorway. This is alienating him from … Continue reading How to help my child who only wants to talk about his special interest?
How should we talk to our teens about divorce?
Parent Question:We will be going through divorce very soon and, as yet, we have not told our two children (my son is 13 and my daughter is 15). They know we don’t get on and sleep separately. We keep the atmosphere in the house as peaceful as possible for them. The mediator we worked with … Continue reading How should we talk to our teens about divorce?
My preschooler has nightmares and night time tantrums
Parent Question:Our son has just turned four and has, over the last six weeks, stopped using his dummy and moved into his own bed, instead of the cot. However, in the last two weeks he was sick with flu and was having nightmares and so we have been letting him into the bed with us. … Continue reading My preschooler has nightmares and night time tantrums
My 19-year old is depressed and anxious
Parent QuestionI’m looking for advice for my own son who is 19 and in his first year in college. He has been on anti-anxiety medication for 18 months and earlier this year he had a type of breakdown (was suicidal, experienced hallucinations) and the GP put him on medication for depression and anxiety. Over the … Continue reading My 19-year old is depressed and anxious
How can I help my child with rejection sensitivity?
Parent QuestionMy son is 11. He’s autistic and very bright. I’m wondering if you have any advice on helping him with rejection sensitivity. While he doesn’t have a lot of the sensory issues often associated with autism, he is extremely self-conscious, gets very upset by perceived criticism, can’t take correction, and finds it hard if … Continue reading How can I help my child with rejection sensitivity?
My 14 yr old struggles with homework and study. She might have ADHD.
Parent QuestionMy daughter is 14 and in second year in secondary school. She is really struggling with study and homework. She could not get it together to study for the Christmas tests and did not do as well as she wanted. This is despite the fact that she is a bright girl and in primary … Continue reading My 14 yr old struggles with homework and study. She might have ADHD.
Should I go for an ADHD assessment as a parent?
Parent QuestionI am a father to a 10-year-old boy who has been recently diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). He has been struggling in school since day one, so the diagnosis is not a surprise. We had to get our own private assessment with a psychologist as he has been on the waiting list … Continue reading Should I go for an ADHD assessment as a parent?
Is my 11 year old burnt out from school?
Parent Question:My 11-year-old son is in sixth class and hates going to school. He is always reluctant to go in the morning and there is often tears before I finally persuade him out the door. He is also constantly complains of being tired, especially when he comes in from school and he has to lie … Continue reading Is my 11 year old burnt out from school?
At what age should I give my child a mobile phone?
Question:My daughter was 12 last week and she is already starting to pester me about getting a mobile phone. She sees her older sister on her phone all the time and thinks she deserves one. Also, it seems one of her classmates got one over the summer and this has added to the pressure. Her … Continue reading At what age should I give my child a mobile phone?
My teenager’s friends are a bad influence.
Parent Question: My 14-year-old son has fallen in with a bad group of friends and we are worried. He found the transition to secondary school hard. He was isolated and unhappy in first year and Covid made this harder. It took him a long while to find a group of friends who accepted him. Now … Continue reading My teenager’s friends are a bad influence.
My teenage sons do not get on with each other
Parent Question:My husband and I have two teenage boys in secondary school. They are both very polite and kind young men in general company. They have good circles of friends and their teachers seem to like them. The problem is that they refuse to engage with each other with any civility. The older son hates … Continue reading My teenage sons do not get on with each other
My 12 year old has been dropped by her friends
Parent Question:My 12-year-old daughter used to happily belong to a friendship group of five other girls. Over the past few weeks they seem to have dropped her and it is breaking her heart. There is one girl who sees herself as the “leader” who seems to be behind it. My daughter had some sort of … Continue reading My 12 year old has been dropped by her friends
We are separating, how can we help our children cope?
Parent Question: After a long process, my wife and I have decided to separate. We want to do it right for our two children, aged six and eight, and we are working hard to co-parent well. We are trying to have no conflict or arguments (well as little as possible) in front of the children. … Continue reading We are separating, how can we help our children cope?
Emetophobia: How to help my daughter’s phobia of vomiting?
Parent Question: My daughter has a phobia of being sick. It is totally consuming her and our lives. She is such a loving girl, but this is all we talk about as she needs constant reassurance she won’t vomit. Please help. Answer: A fear of getting sick or vomiting, also known as emetophobia, is much … Continue reading Emetophobia: How to help my daughter’s phobia of vomiting?
My son says he hates himself
Parent Question: My little boy, who is six, is an only child. He is very lovable, kind, intelligent, strong-willed, but he tends to lack self-esteem. He tends to self-loathe and often says he hates himself. He doesn’t accept praise without putting his negativity on it. He gets so easily defeated too and says he feels … Continue reading My son says he hates himself
My 5 year old is soiling his pants.
Parent Question: My (almost) five-year-old is very capable and bright. But for 18 months now he frequently finishes the day with a smear of poo in his pants or having wee’d himself. He doesn’t say anything to anyone. And even when he gets that “faraway” look in his eyes that means he is soiling himself. … Continue reading My 5 year old is soiling his pants.
Is my quiet 10 year old girl autistic?
Parent Question:Though she can be chatty with us at home, my 10-year-old daughter has always been very quiet when she is out socially and when she is in school. When she was a preschooler she was diagnosed as selectively mute and we took her to see a speech therapist and a play therapist, both of … Continue reading Is my quiet 10 year old girl autistic?
My son won’t follow rules
Parent Question:My seven-year-old son is very defiant. It is particularly problematic in extracurricular activities. Initially, I thought it was related to physical activities only, which would be understandable as he has a mild physical disability which results in fatigue. However, he is also defiant with his music teacher and won’t follow the basic rules of … Continue reading My son won’t follow rules
My 3 year old is always hitting his brother
Parent Question:My 3½-year-old son is constantly using force or hitting his 1½-year-old brother. Sometimes, I manage to catch before he does it and I am able to stop him. Other times, I turn around and he has just hit him and his brother is screaming. I give out to him and that does not work, … Continue reading My 3 year old is always hitting his brother
My son’s father is not meeting up with him
Parent Question: My son’s father is not spending time with our 11-year-old son regularly. How do I explain this to my son?My ex has a history of multiple mental health issues. When we all lived together my son experienced those periods where depression caused his dad to withdraw. I tried to protect him from the … Continue reading My son’s father is not meeting up with him
My 10 year old girl says she is fat
Parent Question:My 10-year-old girl tells me she thinks she is fat. I try to reassure her and tell her she is lovely as she is, but I think she still ruminates and worries about it. One time she told me that she thinks she needs to go on a diet and I told her not … Continue reading My 10 year old girl says she is fat
How can I help my unhappy 15 year old daughter?
Parent Question: I am struggling with my 15-year-old daughter at the moment. She started dieting last autumn and coming up to Christmas she lost a lot of weight. She was extremely thin, spoke about food all the time, and we were very worried about her. She then fell off that “healthy eating wagon” and went … Continue reading How can I help my unhappy 15 year old daughter?
My autistic five-year-old won’t use the toilet
Parent Question:My five-year-old son is autistic and started school this year. He has a SNA (special needs assistant) and has settled well in school. He is learning and is happy to go, so we are pleased with this. The problem we have is over toileting — he has never once used a potty or a … Continue reading My autistic five-year-old won’t use the toilet
My five-year-old daughter is too bossy with her friends
Parent Question:My five-year-old daughter can be really bossy with her friends. When they come over on a play date, she tries to organise everything, choose all the games and tell them what to do all the time. I sometimes see the other children bristling in response to her and I am worried that she will … Continue reading My five-year-old daughter is too bossy with her friends
My five-year-old is so negative about everything
Parent Question:My five-year-old boy is so negative about everything and I don’t know how to deal with it. He starts every day with “I hate school”, this continues to hating whatever breakfast is, and then hating walking to school (including the route). He defaults to hating everything. I have banned the word hate in the … Continue reading My five-year-old is so negative about everything
My nine-year-old is mean is moody and mean to her sister
Parent Question: My nine-year-old girl is moody, so much so it affects the balance of our family of six. She is our eldest and I’m always on edge as to what her mood will be. I find as a mother I don’t like her at times. Don’t worry I don’t show this, but I do … Continue reading My nine-year-old is mean is moody and mean to her sister
Should we allow our 17-year-old to drink at home with us?
Parent Question:My 16-year-old son (17 in a few weeks) has been dropping hints he wants to start drinking. My husband and I don’t drink that much at all but when we are having a bottle of wine at the weekend or at family events, he always asks to have glass. We have always adopted the … Continue reading Should we allow our 17-year-old to drink at home with us?
My 12-year-old is finding it hard to sleep
Parent Question:My 12-year-old is finding it hard to sleep at night. This mainly started in the last six months and has got much worse over the summer. He seems to get stressed and worried at bedtime, and can toss and turn and find it hard to sleep. Sometimes we think he has fallen asleep and … Continue reading My 12-year-old is finding it hard to sleep
I think my young teenager is too young to have a boyfriend
Parent Question:My daughter is nearly 14. She has her moments, but she is generally a great teenager (her older brother was much harder work!). She is fairly self-assured, loves sports and doing well at school and is starting her second year in secondary school. She has never really had a best friend, but used to … Continue reading I think my young teenager is too young to have a boyfriend
Our son sees us argue and is upset
Question:We have been happily married for 10 years. We are immigrants in Ireland, and have no family around. We have some family friends (from our community whom we meet and hang out with on weekends) and have three children; the eldest is nine. My husband and I are extremely happy in our marriage. We have … Continue reading Our son sees us argue and is upset
My son is struggling to settle into secondary school
Question:My 12-year-old son has just entered secondary school. Just one boy from his primary school has gone to the same secondary. While he is doing well academically, he is struggling to make friends. In the first weeks a number of the boys in his mixed class were engaging in bullying behaviour as they all clumsily … Continue reading My son is struggling to settle into secondary school
How to handle my three-year-old’s tantrums?
Parent Question:I have a three-year-old and he can throw some wild tantrums when he gets overtired or is frustrated. While I know tantrums are normal for three-year-olds (he is my first), the intensity of his feelings worries me a bit. While he’s at the height of his tantrum, he keeps saying, “I want to stop”. … Continue reading How to handle my three-year-old’s tantrums?
My son never tells me about his day at school.
Parent Question:My six-year-old son never talks about school and I wonder if this is okay. Each day I ask him how was school, and each day he avoids the question and says nothing. If I ask the question a few times, he can get annoyed and once said ‘stop talking’ to me. Should I worry … Continue reading My son never tells me about his day at school.
Is my daughter struggles with friendships, could she be autistic?
Question: My 11-year-old daughter is in fifth class and is struggling to make friends. We found out a group of girls were excluding her. Apparently she was constantly seeking to hang out with them and they gave her the cold shoulder. I was very angry, but you can’t force the girls to include her. The … Continue reading Is my daughter struggles with friendships, could she be autistic?
My eight-year-old daughter has a friendship that can be quite intense
Parent Question:My eight-year-old daughter has a friendship that can be quite intense. She often talks about the other girl getting upset. My daughter feels responsible for her friend and worries that she’ll be in trouble when the other girl gets upset. The upset is happening more and more often. The cause of upset that I … Continue reading My eight-year-old daughter has a friendship that can be quite intense
What can I do while I wait for an autism assessment for my 4 year old?
Parent Question:My son is just four and I am worried he may have autism. He speaks a lot less than when his brother was the same age and spends hours just rolling on the floor with his cars, and his sleeping can be horrendous. When we are out with friends, he clings to us all … Continue reading What can I do while I wait for an autism assessment for my 4 year old?
Should I allow my 13-year-old to post on YouTube?
Parent Question:My 12-year-old son wants to start posting videos on YouTube. He is mad into video games and soccer and watches vlogs and commentaries on YouTube. He would do this all day long if I let him. He is now trying to make his own video clips and says he wants to post them online. … Continue reading Should I allow my 13-year-old to post on YouTube?
My autistic teenager is constantly online
Parent Question:My 14-year-old son, who is autistic, has become really dependent on his phone and computer and is spending nearly the whole day on some sort of device. Over the long summer it was hard to get him to do much else. In the heat of a row, I did remove his phone, and this … Continue reading My autistic teenager is constantly online
My gifted son hates school
Parent Question:My son started sixth class this year and he really hates going to school. He says he “hates” the work and that he is bored. I try to jolly him along and he goes in, but he looks really down in the dumps most days and I worry about him. He started this last … Continue reading My gifted son hates school
Does my daughter have PDA?
Parent Question:My 12-year-old daughter’s opposition and meltdowns is making our family life miserable. She won’t do anything she is told to do. Simple requests, such as coming to the table for dinner, getting dressed, or tidying her room can lead to a full-scale meltdown. We can have big battles to go anywhere as a family … Continue reading Does my daughter have PDA?
My son has ADHD, should I get diagnosed too?
Parent Question:I am a father to a 10-year-old boy who has been recently diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). He has been struggling in school since day one, so the diagnosis is not a surprise. We had to get our own private assessment with a psychologist as he has been on the waiting list … Continue reading My son has ADHD, should I get diagnosed too?
My seven-year-old won’t do what he’s asked
Parent Question:My seven-year-old son is very defiant. It is particularly problematic in extracurricular activities. Initially, I thought it was related to physical activities only, which would be understandable as he has a mild physical disability which results in fatigue. However, he is also defiant with his music teacher and won’t follow the basic rules of … Continue reading My seven-year-old won’t do what he’s asked
Feedback form – talk in CTYI by John Sharry 21/10/23
Parenting a child with neurodevelopmental differences such as Autism, ADHD, Dyspraxia and Dyslexia Please complete feedback form here Slides available here
Strengths-based Family Centred Practice
Click here for full slides of presentation by John Sharry
Follow-Up Self-Esteem
Slides:You can view the slides from tonight’s talk here. Please note that the slides are for personal use only, and should not be copied or distributed without permission. Articles:The link to the series of six articles on building children’s self-esteem is here. Other articles are here and more recent ones are on The Irish Times … Continue reading Follow-Up Self-Esteem
Instagram Posts
More tips on my Instagram page at: www.instagram.com/john_sharry Tips to negotiate rules with teenagers Tips to arrange playdates to help children with friendships Tips on what to do when your child tells lies Tips for switching from “Don’t ” to “Do”
My six-year-old says he hates himself
Question: My little boy, who is six, is an only child. He is very lovable, kind, intelligent, strong-willed, but he tends to lack self-esteem. He tends to self-loathe and often says he hates himself. He doesn’t accept praise without putting his negativity on it. He gets so easily defeated too and says he feels sad … Continue reading My six-year-old says he hates himself
My 14yr old is worried about war
Parent Question: My 14-year-old son is really worried that world war three will break out. Since Russia invaded Ukraine he has been anxious. He is not sleeping well as a result and is tired and on edge during the day. I try to reassure him that things won’t go that far, but he argues back … Continue reading My 14yr old is worried about war
Making New Year Resolutions
People often start the new year with high hopes and expectations. January can be marked with a frenzy of new goals, resolutions and promised lifestyle changes. However, research shows that most people fail to keep their resolutions beyond the first few weeks. Despite good intentions many plans quickly fall by the wayside and this can … Continue reading Making New Year Resolutions
Instagram posts
More tips on my Instagram page at: www.instagram.com/john_sharry Tips to negotiate rules with teenagers Tips to arrange playdates to help children with friendships Tips on what to do when your child tells lies Tips for switching from “Don’t ” to “Do” More tips on my Instagram page at: www.instagram.com/john_sharry
Tips to help cope with the Covid crisis
Covid-19 has upended our lives completely. We now find ourselves in a new world of reduced social contacts, struggles to keep work going at home and losing jobs and keeping our distance from other people. While this might have been an interesting experiment for a few days, the prospects of doing this for weeks and … Continue reading Tips to help cope with the Covid crisis
Homeschooling: How can I make it work for me and my children?
Q: I have two boys in third and fourth classes and this new phase of homeschooling is not going well. My eldest in particular is struggling with the work the teacher sets and is often upset about it – feeling he can’t do it. The teachers just send out lists of formal school work to be done … Continue reading Homeschooling: How can I make it work for me and my children?
How can I get my teenager to engage in online school?
Q: How can I get my 15-year-old to engage in online schooling? He is stressing about his workand finding it difficult to focus at home. PreCovid, he was a driven and conscientious student who always did well in school. But in this latest lockdown he is struggling and has little interest in schoolwork. He says he … Continue reading How can I get my teenager to engage in online school?
How to fight Covid -19 psychological fatigue?
When the first wave of coronavirus struck back in March, we surprised ourselves with how well we coped psychologically and with how well we collectively responded to the challenge. People almost universally accepted the public health message of “coming together as a nation, by individually staying apart”. There were high levels of altruism and community … Continue reading How to fight Covid -19 psychological fatigue?
Maintaining family wellbeing during the Covid-19 lockdown
With colleges, schools and childcare centres closed in most areas, the Covid-19 crises has instantly changed the lives of most families worldwide. Pushed tightly back into our family units without much outside contact, relationships have been put under pressure. Stressed parents struggle to balance working and caring for children all day and bored children have … Continue reading Maintaining family wellbeing during the Covid-19 lockdown
My three-year-old is hitting his brother
QUESTION: In the last couple of months, my three-year-old has begun pushing/shoving/hitting/hurting his one-year-old brother and this behaviour is becoming a habit and appears to be happening more often. I can see the intensity on his face as his lower jaw juts out and he really means to hurt him – it’s not accidental play. … Continue reading My three-year-old is hitting his brother
How do I stop my boy putting his hands down his pants?
QUESTION: My seven-year-old son has got into the habit of putting his hands down his pants and leaving them there. He tends to do it while watching TV and it seems purely a comfort thing. I tell him to stop and he takes his hands away but then a few minutes later he puts them … Continue reading How do I stop my boy putting his hands down his pants?
My 15-year-old son is heartbroken after breaking up with his girlfriend
QUESTION: My son, who will be 16 soon, broke up with his girlfriend four weeks ago. They knew each before and got together at the Gaeltacht in June. To be honest, I was glad when they broke up as it seemed a bit of an intense relationship for him so young (she is the same … Continue reading My 15-year-old son is heartbroken after breaking up with his girlfriend
My 10-year-old is stealing treats and lying about it
QUESTION: I have a 10-year-old girl who has been stealing treats from the treat box and then lying about it when the wrappers are found under her pillow. This is not the first time it has happened and we have discussed how important honesty is for us to trust each other. I think we have two … Continue reading My 10-year-old is stealing treats and lying about it
My seven-year-old gets upset when I scold her
QUESTION: My older daughter is seven. Whenever I give out to her she tends to over-react and get very upset. I might be correcting her over something minor, like not tidying her room but then she starts crying and bursts into tears. The other day she even wrote me a note saying sorry and how … Continue reading My seven-year-old gets upset when I scold her
Tips for Making New Year Resolutions
The New Year is definitely perceived as a time of new beginnings and resolutions. After the excess of Christmas many people try to start afresh in the new year with plans to be more healthy, to do things different or to tackle the a task that has been put on the long finger for months. … Continue reading Tips for Making New Year Resolutions
My six-year-old’s bedwetting is damaging his self-esteem
QUESTION: I have a bit of a problem with my six-year-old son. He is the youngest of three, a well able and very talented little chap, although he thinks he is terrible at everything. I think the underlying problem is his bedwetting. He has never gotten control of it. The bed is wet pretty much … Continue reading My six-year-old’s bedwetting is damaging his self-esteem
How can I help my daughter not to join in with bullying a classmate?
PARENT QUESTION: How do I set my eight-year-old daughter up so she’s not part of a group of girls who are excluding one girl in the class? The context is that the “one girl” has said unkind things to others. Now a group of five or six of the girls are being unkind back to … Continue reading How can I help my daughter not to join in with bullying a classmate?
‘Pressure Points’ Part 1: Being Protective V Being Permissive
This is part 1 of a six-part series of articles that describes evidence-based and practical parenting principles on how to positively influence your children and help them grow up into responsible adults. Children and young people are under increased pressures to become involved in risky and harmful activities such as smoking, drinking, drug taking as … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 1: Being Protective V Being Permissive
‘Pressure Points’ Part 6: Building your child’s resilience
Over the last five articles in my “Pressure Points” series I have explored what parents can do to empower their children to make responsible choices around risky behaviours such smoking, drinking, sex and the dangers on the Internet. In this last article, I explore how parents can build resilience in their children so they have … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 6: Building your child’s resilience
‘Pressure Points’ Part 5: How to help your child avoid ‘falling in with the wrong crowd’
As children grow older, a big worry for parents is that their children might “fall in with the wrong crowd” or be part of a negative or irresponsible peer group. You might have a child who is already “easily led” or who has a tendency to be “impulsive” and you know that with the influence … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 5: How to help your child avoid ‘falling in with the wrong crowd’
‘Pressure Points’ Part 4: Making rules and building responsibility
In recent times we have read about the problems of being a “helicopter parent” who “hovers” over children becoming over-involved, deciding too much for children and not giving them the freedom to learn from their own mistakes. However, equally problematic is “over-permissive” or “disengaged” parenting, when anything goes and children are given too much freedom … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 4: Making rules and building responsibility
‘Pressure Points’ Part 3: Talking to your children about dangers
When thinking of all the dangers that confront our children (such as alcohol, drugs, the internet, etc), it can be hard to know how and when to discuss these risks with them. Certainly, it is easy as parents to put these conversations on the long finger and to even avoid them altogether. Some parents feel … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 3: Talking to your children about dangers
‘Pressure Points’ Part 2: Five ways to connect with your children
Having a warm connected relationship with your children is definitely one of the most enjoyable aspects of parenting. Doing fun activities together, sharing experiences and having good conversations all make for creating deeply satisfying relationships between parents and children. Such connected relationships have enormous benefits for children, in terms of building their self-esteem and confidence … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ Part 2: Five ways to connect with your children
‘Pressure Points’ 6-part series: How to help your children make good choices
Children and young people are under increased pressures to become involved in risky and harmful activities such as smoking, drinking, drug taking as well as new internet-related problems such as sexting, pornography or online bullying. Parents are right to be concerned and they have a key role in keeping their children and teenagers safe and … Continue reading ‘Pressure Points’ 6-part series: How to help your children make good choices
My daughter has a terror of vomiting
QUESTION: My nine-year-old daughter has always had a fear of vomit. She was triggered recently by a girl vomiting in her class. The next morning she wanted me to bring her brother to school first. She felt sick and was terrified she was going to vomit. She had what looked similar to a panic attack. … Continue reading My daughter has a terror of vomiting
My nine-year-old constantly looks for reassurance that we love him
QUESTION: We a have a delightful nine-year-old boy and he’s our only child. He is extremely sensitive to everything all around him. For example, if someone is upset at home he gets upset also and he can easily be affected and worry about this. He asks multiple times a day if we love him and … Continue reading My nine-year-old constantly looks for reassurance that we love him
My nine year old still wets the bed
QUESTION: I’m at my wit’s end about my son who has just turned nine and wets his bed. We have tried everything and are now using a bed-wetting alarm, which my child sleeps through. When we are woken by the alarm and take him out of the bed he has no memory of it,even though we … Continue reading My nine year old still wets the bed
Has my shouting damaged my children?
QUESTION I have always been a bit short-tempered and this has transferred over to my parenting. I can easily get wound up by my children, who are aged five and six, and I end up shouting at them. Last year was particularly stressful due to work and family issues and I was probably caught in … Continue reading Has my shouting damaged my children?
Healthy Families Series Part 5: Getting Enough Sleep and Rest
Family stress and poor sleeping patterns are associated with many problems: obesity, physical illness, poor performance in school and increased behavioural problems. While the exact reasons for this are not clear, it makes sense that a child or parent who is chronically tired or stressed is less likely to have the energy to exercise and … Continue reading Healthy Families Series Part 5: Getting Enough Sleep and Rest
‘Healthy Families’ 6-part article series
In early 2019, I wrote a series of articles on overcoming the challenges of bringing up healthy and happy children in The Irish Times. They are reproduced here and focus on 6 different areas of family life. Part 1: Bringing up happy, healthy children Part 2: Replacing bad habits with good ones Part 3: Importance … Continue reading ‘Healthy Families’ 6-part article series
Healthy Families Series Part 6: Nurturing Family Relationships
Over the last five weeks of this series we have looked at the habits of healthy and happy families, and now we conclude with the most important habit of all: taking time to nurture our family relationships. The closer we are to the people we love, the more happy we feel and the greater our … Continue reading Healthy Families Series Part 6: Nurturing Family Relationships
Healthy Families Series Part 4: Managing Screens and Technology at Home
In the past 20 years the use of technology has invaded family life. Whereas previously there was only the TV to contend with, now we have the internet, video games and smart phones all interrupting family life. When I first started clinical work with families, the number one battle for parents was to get their … Continue reading Healthy Families Series Part 4: Managing Screens and Technology at Home
Healthy Families Series Part 2: Replacing Bad Habits with Good Ones
Essentially, an unhealthy lifestyle is down to a set of poor habits. We become accustomed to repeated daily patterns of behaviour and lose sight of the quality of the lifestyle we are living. Whether this is the habit of putting sugar in our coffee or always eating a chocolate bar after lunch or driving rather … Continue reading Healthy Families Series Part 2: Replacing Bad Habits with Good Ones
Healthy Families Series Part 3: Enjoying Mealtimes Together
People are spending less time preparing food and less time eating together with loved ones in their family. Frequently, parents are eating at different times to their children, or mealtimes are rushed or eaten in front of a screen. It is not uncommon now to see whole families eating in silence together in restaurants as … Continue reading Healthy Families Series Part 3: Enjoying Mealtimes Together
Healthy Families Series Part 1: Bringing Up Happy, Healthy Children
Despite more widespread access to health information than ever before, our nation’s health is much poorer than a generation ago. Children and adults live increasingly sedentary lifestyles, dominated by screens and disconnected from the outdoors and the natural world. Our collective diet has deteriorated drastically. We are home-cooking less, eating fewer vegetables and consuming much … Continue reading Healthy Families Series Part 1: Bringing Up Happy, Healthy Children
My 16-year-old is self-harming
Q. I have just discovered that my 16-year-old daughter has been harming herself by cutting her arms. I had noticed some marks, which she tried to explain away before finally admitting it. She says she does not know why she does it but that she just gets so frustrated about things. My husband and I are very upset about it as we did not know anything was wrong.
How can I stick to the rules with my teenager?
Q: One of the difficulties I have with my 14-year-old daughter is sticking to what I say. For example, my daughter did something that I was clear about her not being allowed to do. So I told her she was grounded for the week. After two days of being grounded she said she was sorry and learned her lesson (there just happened to be a party she wanted to go to the next day). She then went on to explain why I should allow her to get off being grounded – and, to tell the truth, it was really logical. So after an internal struggle I said okay.
Sensitive son starting secondary school
QUESTION I’m the parent of a very shy and sensitive boy who is due to start secondary school in September. I’m quite worried about how he will cope with the transition. He has gone to a small local primary school and has had great teachers. Now he will have to travel a bit to the … Continue reading Sensitive son starting secondary school
How do I tell my son that Grandad is dying?
QUESTION My father is very sick in hospital, battling a long illness with cancer and we’ve recently been told it is terminal. My son is very close to his grandfather and I don’t know how to explain his illness to him. He’s seven now and knows Grandad is very sick but how do I explain … Continue reading How do I tell my son that Grandad is dying?
Building Self-Esteem in Children
Read John Sharry’s six-part series, originally published in The Irish Times on how you can help promote positive self-esteem, confidence and emotional wellbeing in children and teenagers. Click on the links below to read each article: Part 1: Building your child’s self-esteem Part 2: Love your children uniquely, not just equally Part 3: Helping your … Continue reading Building Self-Esteem in Children
My 16-year-old is obsessed with make-up
QUESTION: About a year ago, my then 15-year-old daughter started to wear make-up. As her dad, I didn’t pay much attention to this, though I never really approve of young teenagers wearing make-up. Now at 16, she has become obsessed with make-up and will not leave the house without having some on. I’m not talking … Continue reading My 16-year-old is obsessed with make-up
My son seems very unhappy at university
QUESTION My 19-year-old son started university this year and he appears very unhappy there. He does not seem to be engaging well with the course material and may not be getting on particularly well with the class. He was much happier in school even during the Leaving Cert and has been happy and active in … Continue reading My son seems very unhappy at university
My daughter hates secondary school
QUESTION Our 13-year-old daughter hates school. She is not able to give me a specific reason, just that she hates every minute of the day. She has a sad face going out every morning and a sadder one coming back in the afternoon. This can swiftly turn to anger depending on which way one might … Continue reading My daughter hates secondary school
My adult son is disrespectful to his girlfriend
QUESTION My 26-year-old son’s behaviour towards his girlfriend has been giving me cause for concern for some time. They have been together since they were in their early teens and are planning to move in together this summer. The problem is that, on occasion, he shows very little respect for her. I find it both … Continue reading My adult son is disrespectful to his girlfriend
My daughter is struggling with friendships
QUESTION My 10-year-old daughter is having trouble with some friends in school. It centres on her relationship with one girl who she expects to be a much closer friend than she actually is (this girl has lots of other friends and does not want to see my daughter as much as my daughter wants to … Continue reading My daughter is struggling with friendships
How can we manage tantrums?
QUESTION Our issues are with our three-year-old son who has been waking one to two times most nights. It started about a year and a half ago and it has now progressed to full-blown screaming with demands that we go into him. We would wait to see if it stopped but he is so determined … Continue reading How can we manage tantrums?
My son will not eat food unless mashed
QUESTION I have a three-year-old son who refuses to eat any meal put in front of him unless it’s a snack or has been fully mashed. If we do manage to get a morsel into him, he can hold it in his mouth for more than an hour rather than swallowing it. He attends a … Continue reading My son will not eat food unless mashed
My son is always left on the sidelines at matches
QUESTION My son is under 12 and turns up for GAA training. He is often left on the sidelines, but as the ages get higher, it has got worse. Now they are bringing under-11s up to play matches while he stands around in the cold. I am sure it’s not the first time you have … Continue reading My son is always left on the sidelines at matches
Our five-year-old has started acting babyish
QUESTION My five-year-old daughter has become really babyish and is pretending to be much younger than she is. She has always been quite an advanced child who learned things quickly, such as dressing herself. But recently she has been refusing to do this and wants me to help her. She pretends she can’t put on … Continue reading Our five-year-old has started acting babyish
‘My 10-year-old son is the class clown and always in trouble’
QUESTION I am concerned about my 10-year-old son who can be really immature sometimes and is always acting the class clown. He loves to make everyone laugh but I feel that he cannot recognise the difference between people laughing at him or laughing with him. He is the one who acts out and gets into … Continue reading ‘My 10-year-old son is the class clown and always in trouble’
My seven-year-old son struggles to go to sleep
QUESTION My seven-year-old son really struggles to go to sleep at night. His bedtime routine starts at 7.30pm – he has a bath, a small glass of milk and a bedtime story. He might read for a bit but he keeps finding excuses to come downstairs and he starts playing with anything he can find … Continue reading My seven-year-old son struggles to go to sleep
My son was bullied for a year before we knew
QUESTION Our 11-year-old son was bullied in school for over a year and it has affected him badly. Unfortunately, he was too scared to tell us but we found out eventually from his school. The bullying happened when my son was in fourth class. The other child was older, in sixth class, and is no … Continue reading My son was bullied for a year before we knew
How can I manage my little boy’s aggression and meltdowns?
QUESTION I am losing faith in my ability to parent our son constructively; he is almost four. He has become increasingly aggressive with me and has begun to lash out physically when reprimanded or told “No”. I am trying to follow the positive parenting paradigm and trying to use positive language, even in adversity. I … Continue reading How can I manage my little boy’s aggression and meltdowns?
My daughter worries about ‘bad’ things she has done
QUESTION Our eight-year-old constantly brings up “bad” things she has done in the past which she is worried about or which she feels guilty about. They are relatively minor things, such as a time when she did not share with a friend or when she was naughty in school. Some happened a long time ago … Continue reading My daughter worries about ‘bad’ things she has done
My son (10) is still mourning his grandad, four years on.
QUESTION My son is 10 years-old. His grandfather died four years ago after a two-year battle with cancer, when my son was six. There was a warm special bond between the two and he was understandably upset. However, even now, over four years on my son still seems to be grieving. He gets visibly upset … Continue reading My son (10) is still mourning his grandad, four years on.
My 3 year old’s tantrums are embarrassing
QUESTION My three-year-old son can have these big meltdowns and the slightest thing can spark him off. I can just about manage them at home, but they are really difficult when we are out. He has now had a few when I collect him from preschool. One time he lay on the ground and would … Continue reading My 3 year old’s tantrums are embarrassing
How best to help my granddaughter with Selective Mutism?
QUESTION Arising from your recent article, I would like your advice on how to manage our granddaughter. She was very vocal with us until the age of four, albeit she was shy with other adults. She is now six and talks to her parents and her young friends but she has been muting with us … Continue reading How best to help my granddaughter with Selective Mutism?
My five-year-old has selective mutism
QUESTION My daughter is almost five years old and has gone through a year of playschool without speaking a word to the teacher or children there. She speaks freely at home but does not speak to extended family or anyone else. But she will speak to me, my husband and her brothers anywhere. She is … Continue reading My five-year-old has selective mutism
My teenager is getting in trouble and I can’t get through to him
QUESTION I am the mum of four children ranging in age from nine to 18. I have taken the same approach to parenting all of them and feel that it is working for me most of the time. However, I am finding it impossible to get through to my 14-year-old son. He is a very … Continue reading My teenager is getting in trouble and I can’t get through to him
My 8-year-old can be quite judgmental of other children
QUESTION Have you any tips on how to deal with a child who sticks very much to the rules and can be quite judgmental? My daughter is eight years old and, at times, can judge others in a negative way. She doesn’t always say something negative but she has a “look” that other children definitely … Continue reading My 8-year-old can be quite judgmental of other children
Toilet training our two-year-old is a bit of a strain
QUESTION I was wondering if you have any advice or can point me in the direction of help as I am struggling with toilet training my little girl, who is two years and 10 months old. We had a failed attempt in August and decided we wouldn’t try again until she was ready. Last week … Continue reading Toilet training our two-year-old is a bit of a strain
Is my son’s imaginary friend a problem?
QUESTION My five-year-old son is an only child. Since he was about 3½ years old, he has had imaginary friends. He goes through different phases and different friends. Sometimes he would have animal friends similar to his soft toys and recently he has had an imaginary friend called “Jack” who he imagines to be a … Continue reading Is my son’s imaginary friend a problem?
My five-year-old son ‘holds on’ to his wee and poo
QUESTION My son, who is just five, has been having major problems going to the toilet and in particular “holding on” to his number ones and number twos so much so that I feel it is having a major impact on his life and wellbeing. There is nothing medically wrong with him, in that once … Continue reading My five-year-old son ‘holds on’ to his wee and poo
Our daughter is struggling since the death of a classmate
QUESTION Six months ago my daughter, who has just turned 16, had to cope with the death of a girl in her class who died after a short battle with a serious illness. Our daughter was not particularly close to the girl but, as you can imagine, she was still very upset as were the … Continue reading Our daughter is struggling since the death of a classmate
My 11-year-old daughter is struggling with friends
QUESTION My daughter is 11 and going into 6th class this September, but she is having a difficult summer. She has always found it hard to make many friends as she can be quite shy and not forward in groups. This means she can be left out of some of the invitation lists for parties … Continue reading My 11-year-old daughter is struggling with friends
Tourette’s Syndrome: Help me help my son
QUESTION I hope you can help me with my son who has tics and Tourette’s syndrome. His tics wax and wane constantly. Some are ones only we as parents would notice; others are sporadic, sudden and obvious. He has adapted well and, luckily, he gets the verbal tics for only a few weeks every three … Continue reading Tourette’s Syndrome: Help me help my son
Should I listen to my friend’s advice on my baby’s sleep habits?
QUESTION We have a seven-month-old son who is very placid and content. He was breastfed exclusively up until we started introducing solids at 5½ months and two weeks ago, we started introducing formula feeds and weaning him off the breast. All of this is going very well. Our concern arises over his sleep routine and, … Continue reading Should I listen to my friend’s advice on my baby’s sleep habits?
My six-year-old son is very negative and often in a bad mood
QUESTION My son, who just turned six over Christmas, can be very negative and grumpy. He whines all the time when he doesn’t want to do things. Even when we take him swimming, he can whine and moan and say he does not want to go – despite the fact he always enjoys it when … Continue reading My six-year-old son is very negative and often in a bad mood
Competition and rewards in the classroom
QUESTION I have heard you speak about the dangers of encouraging overcompetitiveness in young children. My question is how to deal with the situation in a school where my six-year-old, along with the boys at the same table, compete for “An Bord is Fearr”, which means that the “best” table each week gets a prize … Continue reading Competition and rewards in the classroom
How can I help my daughter knuckle down to study?
QUESTION My daughter has just started the senior cycle but is finding it hard to knuckle down and do some work. She had a great transition year full of good experiences and was off at the Gaeltacht for a lot of the summer and now she seems to be completely out of the rhythm of … Continue reading How can I help my daughter knuckle down to study?
I dread going back to work and leaving my baby
QUESTION I am the mother of a gorgeous eight-month-old boy and am due to go back to work at the end of January. I am totally confused about whether to take extra parental leave. On the one hand, although it has been hard, overall I have really loved being at home with my son. The … Continue reading I dread going back to work and leaving my baby
Our teenager seems down in the dumps and withdrawn
QUESTION My 15-year-old daughter seems to be unhappy all the time, and my wife and I are worried about her. She seems down in the dumps and spends a lot of her time just moping around the house. This is something that has been slowly building over the past 12 months or so. She seems … Continue reading Our teenager seems down in the dumps and withdrawn
Encopresis/Soiling: My grandson soils his underpants several times a day
QUESTION I am writing to you about my five- year-old grandson. For the past year he has been defecating in his underpants several times a day. He is the eldest of two children and my daughter is expecting another baby in April. My daughter is a psychotherapist and took him to see a psychologist last … Continue reading Encopresis/Soiling: My grandson soils his underpants several times a day
How can I bond with my son? We are always fighting.
QUESTION I seem to be fighting constantly with my four-year-old son. He is demanding and whingy, and I end up shouting all the time. I know a lot of it is my fault, because I don’t think I really bonded with him. I was depressed when he was born and then again two years later … Continue reading How can I bond with my son? We are always fighting.
How can I help my younger daughter move out of her big sister’s shadow?
QUESTION My three-year-old daughter lives in the shadow of her six-year-old sister. In some ways it is very cute – she follows her around all the time and looks up to her – but sometimes I think it is too much. She can be very passive and just lets her sister get her own way … Continue reading How can I help my younger daughter move out of her big sister’s shadow?
My 13-year-old son is addicted to online gaming
QUESTION My son, who is 13, is completely addicted to technology, particularly online gaming which he would happily spend the entire day on if he was allowed. It has got to the point where he barely engages in family life and is doing the minimum of homework. We are fighting all the time about it. … Continue reading My 13-year-old son is addicted to online gaming
Should I allow my 11-year-old have a smartphone?
QUESTION My 11-year-old daughter is pushing to have her own smartphone to play games and to email her friends. I have resisted so far because, to be honest, I feel a bit at sea over the whole technology issue. I am worried about what she might be exposed to. The other day, she was looking … Continue reading Should I allow my 11-year-old have a smartphone?
How to talk to children about terrorism and murder?
QUESTION We have three children aged four, six and eight, and we are worried about the impact of all the bad news on TV on them, particularly the eldest. With the recent terrorist attacks and gangland killings, there has been a lot of bad news recently. We try to protect the children from it by … Continue reading How to talk to children about terrorism and murder?
‘How can we conquer the homework battle?’
QUESTION Since my son moved into fourth class, things have become really difficult at home. He is getting a lot more homework this year and it has become a real battle to get him to do it. He is in bad form the minute he comes out of school as he knows he has to … Continue reading ‘How can we conquer the homework battle?’
Helping a perfectionist child
QUESTION My seven-year-old son can be really self-critical. When he can’t do something, he sometimes has a meltdown and starts saying that he is stupid or that he can do nothing or even that he hates himself. It is a bit shocking to hear him speak like this. I, of course, counteract this, saying that … Continue reading Helping a perfectionist child
Our son’s routine goes awry when his dad is around
QUESTION My partner has to work away a lot which means I am effectively a single parent to our four-year-old boy. This is a difficult arrangement for everyone. When my partner is home – sometimes for only a few days a month – it can be particularly stressful. Don’t get me wrong, my partner is … Continue reading Our son’s routine goes awry when his dad is around
Should I force my child to have a hobby?
QUESTION How much should you “force” a child to pursue an interest that might be good for them but that they don’t seem interested in? My eight-year-old girl tends to flit around between hobbies and interests. We started taking her to GAA football two years ago and, until a few months ago, that seemed to … Continue reading Should I force my child to have a hobby?
I can’t love anyone, not even my baby
QUESTION I have just become a father and am finding it hard to feel much for my four-month-old daughter. I am very fond of her, but I don’t feel anything profound towards her. I feel pretty bad about it all and very guilty. Basically, I don’t think I can form emotional attachments. I’ve tried to … Continue reading I can’t love anyone, not even my baby
My daughter is making strange with her dad
QUESTION My one-year-old daughter has spent the past six months without her father because he has had to work away. He has recently returned home and our daughter is very nervous around him. As you can imagine, she is very attached to me but with my husband coming home this attachment has increased to the … Continue reading My daughter is making strange with her dad
How should I explain my brother’s suicide to my son?
QUESTION: My brother took his life nine years ago. We were all devastated and, as a family, still find it hard to talk about it. At the time I did not tell my four-year-old son how his uncle had died, because I thought he was too young to know about suicide. He saw the whole … Continue reading How should I explain my brother’s suicide to my son?
I’m a new mum, my family are bombarding me with advice!
QUESTION: I’m a mother for the first time, to a beautiful daughter who is now six months old. My problem is that I’m being constantly bombarded by advice from my family. My mother and father, my husband’s mother, and my sisters all pitch in with advice about how to raise my daughter. It’s driving me crazy, as … Continue reading I’m a new mum, my family are bombarding me with advice!
How do i deal with mum’s drinking without losing the kids?
Q. You recently wrote about a mother dealing with her ex’s drinking and I wondered how many men are in a similar position. I know I am. Mum drinks at home four or five nights a week, either on her own or with friends. The kids, who are teenagers, are watching this all the time. I protest about it and am told to mind my own business and threatened with separation and/or being thrown out of the house. The kids are now losing patience with it and get very cheeky with their mother when she has had a few drinks.
‘Would a dog help my daughter’s selective mutism?’
QUESTION My little girl is seven with selective mutism. She is doing great in school and is starting to talk more often, but outside school she is not doing too good. She goes to lots of different activities, such as GAA, swimming, playing the tin whistle, and girl guides. However, she communicates very little when … Continue reading ‘Would a dog help my daughter’s selective mutism?’
Helping Your Child to Make a Difference
“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognised by yourself as a mighty one; I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.”George Bernard Shaw As a mental health … Continue reading Helping Your Child to Make a Difference
Teaching Responsibilty and Skills
Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.Maria Montessori From an early age, children learning to do basic things for themselves provides an enormous boost to their self-esteem as they become more independent. When the preschool child first learns to feed or dress themselves, they feel a delight that … Continue reading Teaching Responsibilty and Skills
Encouraging Your Child’s Potential
“A word of encouragement from a teacher to a child can change a life, from a spouse it can save a marriage and from a leader it can inspire a person to reach her potential.” John C Maxwell Sometimes unconfident children feel something is wrong with them and frequently the reactions of others make matters worse. … Continue reading Encouraging Your Child’s Potential
Helping Your Child Find Their Niche
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.“Albert Einstein One of the best ways to help children become happy and well adjusted is to help them discover their strengths and talents so they can find … Continue reading Helping Your Child Find Their Niche
Love Your Children Uniquely
“When your child walks into the room, does your face light up? Because that is all they are really looking for from you. Let your face speak what’s in your heart.“Toni Morrison One of the main reasons children suffer a lack of confidence or poor self-esteem is that they are comparing themselves to others. Children … Continue reading Love Your Children Uniquely
Building your Child’s Self-Esteem
“Try not to become a person of success but rather a person of value.” Albert Einstein Parents frequently worry that their children have low confidence or feel self-critical or negative about themselves. Sometimes their concerns are localised to a particular area, such as a child being shy or having trouble making friends or feeling disconnected … Continue reading Building your Child’s Self-Esteem
How to talk to children about bad news stories
QUESTION: We have three children aged four, six and eight, and we are worried about the impact of all the bad news on TV on them, particularly the eldest. With terrorist attacks and gangland killings, there has been a lot of bad news recently. We try to protect the children from it by turning off the … Continue reading How to talk to children about bad news stories
Coping with Social Anxiety
QUESTION I am the mother of a 16-year-old boy who needs help dealing with situations where he feels uncomfortable. For example, when he meets new people he will not make eye contact, he shifts nervously and drops his head and shoulders. He avoids situations in which he has to talk to people he doesn’t know, and … Continue reading Coping with Social Anxiety
How to protect children from the worst effects of divorce
There are positive things separating parents can do to minimise the negative impact of marital breakdown on children. Children are vulnerable at this time, but also resilient. Parents may be upset or angry while going through separation, but they are nearly always well-intentioned towards their children too. The chain of events from parental conflict to … Continue reading How to protect children from the worst effects of divorce
Our grown-up daughter is making us miserable
QUESTION: We need help in dealing with our 20-year-old daughter who is still very rebellious at home. She is in full-time education and we can’t afford to pay for her to live out of home. She can be disrespectful and moody and takes no part in family life (we have two younger children) and treats the … Continue reading Our grown-up daughter is making us miserable
Fear of Mr. Tayto and Santa
QUESTION: My three-year-old son becomes very frightened of big-headed characters such as Mickey Mouse or even Santa, who he would not approach last year. This can lead to him throwing big meltdowns, and we are not sure how to respond. A few weeks ago we were at Tayto Park and he went ballistic at the sight … Continue reading Fear of Mr. Tayto and Santa
I feel guilty about shouting at my children
Q. If you have shouted or behaved badly with your children in the past, does this cause any long-term damage or is it possible to undo this negative experience with increased positive experiences? In the past I was very stressed as a parent, and though I never hit them, I used to get into constant rows with my children, especially my older son (now 16). In recent times, I have tried to be a bit more positive, which I do find works a lot better. However, I now find myself feeling really guilty about the way I behaved.
My daughter is upset about her father getting married
QUESTION I have one little girl who is seven years old. I separated from her father three years ago. It was acrimonious at the time but we are now getting on and he sees her twice a week with at least one overnight. He recently announced that he is getting married and my little girl … Continue reading My daughter is upset about her father getting married
Our toddler wakes three times a night
QUESTION: Our son, who turns three next week, has never been a great night-time sleeper. He has always been prone to waking at least once or even twice throughout the night. He sleeps in his own room and is in his own bed, close to our bedroom. The problem now is that he is waking up … Continue reading Our toddler wakes three times a night
Fear of dogs
QUESTION: My nine-year-old girl is generally a happy child, though sometimes prone to being a little anxious and shy. She has always been a bit nervous of dogs; I think it started years ago when a friendly dog jumped up and licked her. We thought she would grow out of it but, if anything, it has … Continue reading Fear of dogs
How do I explain my wife’s depression to the children?
Q. My wife has always suffered on and off from depression. This would often get worse when our children were born ( two boys and a girl, aged 8,6 and 5) but in recent years she has been coping well. We have supportive extended family on both sides and she works part-time. She has been on medication for the last six years and this has seemed to help her and she has been the full -time carer of the children in the home.
Bedtime is chaos, should I stagger bedtime for my three children?
QUESTION: Bedtime can be chaos in my home with my three children who are four, six and seven. They all become giddy and spark off each other, going into each other’s beds and rooms and it can be exhausting getting them all settled. Should I try to stagger their bedtimes? When I tried to do … Continue reading Bedtime is chaos, should I stagger bedtime for my three children?
Our nine year old worries that we will divorce (even though we are happily married).
QUESTION: My nine-year-old daughter is extremely anxious. Despite me and her dad talking to her and reassuring her, she still seems to be very worried. Her main issue is that her dad and I will split up and remarry, despite being happily married to each other. We try not to argue in front of our … Continue reading Our nine year old worries that we will divorce (even though we are happily married).
My five year old girl won’t sleep in her own bed
QUESTION Since Christmas, I have had a problem getting my five-year- old daughter to stay in her own bed and sleep through the night. At Christmas she went from her normal 8pm bedtime to 9pm, andsometimes 9.30pm, because she was on holidays from school. Big mistake. Now she wants to stay in our bed and … Continue reading My five year old girl won’t sleep in her own bed
My nine year old is anxious and a big worrier. How can I help her?
QUESTION I have a nine-year-old daughter who is a gentle, empathic child but can be a real worrier. She gets herself into a state over just about everything. With the recent bad weather she was worried that we were going to have a flood or that something was going to be blown off the house … Continue reading My nine year old is anxious and a big worrier. How can I help her?
My 12 year old won’t get up for school
QUESTION I have a 12-year-old boy who just won’t get up for school. He doesn’t appear to have issues with school, seems to be doing well once he gets there, has lots of friends and so on. The problem is the battle in the morning to get him up. We try to have him in bed … Continue reading My 12 year old won’t get up for school
Is Dad coming to my First Communion?
Q: My daughter is making her First Communion this year. She is an only child and I separated from her father shortly after she was born. Unfortunately, he has had only intermittent involvement in her life. He worked abroad for the first few years, and I have brought her up largely alone, with a lot of … Continue reading Is Dad coming to my First Communion?
My 14 year old won’t switch off technology at night.
QUESTION: My 14-year-old son is a poor sleeper, which has implications for him getting up in the mornings. He has got into bad habits and has a TV in his room. He says watching TV in his room helps him relax before sleep, though I am not sure. He is also on his tablet all the … Continue reading My 14 year old won’t switch off technology at night.
With a family history of anxiety and depression, I worry about my 4 year old
Q: I am writing to you in connection with my 4½ year old daughter. She is a lovely, caring, intelligent girl who is also great fun. However, I am worried about her. She has recently become very sensitive and can seem down in herself. For example, she often makes genuinely funny jokes and clever observations. If … Continue reading With a family history of anxiety and depression, I worry about my 4 year old
My nine year old is very anxious
QUESTION I believe my nine-year-old son suffers with anxiety problems. From time to time he gets so upset and tearful that he gets a pain in his tummy and clings to me or his mother, not wanting us to leave him. No amount of coaxing can get him to tell me what is wrong. I have … Continue reading My nine year old is very anxious
School refusal: My daughter panics at the thought of school
QUESTION My daughter, who is 13, is having terrible trouble getting to school. She is in first year of secondary school and wakes up each morning full of anxiety, and making as many excuses as she can about going. I can’t pinpoint anything in particular that is causing her to be worried, other than that … Continue reading School refusal: My daughter panics at the thought of school
Becoming solution-detectives – a creative approach to helping people solve problems
Becoming solution-detectives – a creative approach to helping people solve problems – John Sharry When we are faced by problems, our natural inclination is of course to problem solve. We will spend time anaylysing what is wrong and how things are going wrong, so we can come up with a cause or a ‘diagnosis’. While … Continue reading Becoming solution-detectives – a creative approach to helping people solve problems
Cultivating hope and managing despair
Copy of chapter that was published in book Fleeing Vesuvius Overcoming the Risks of Economic and Environmental Collapse By John Sharry Societies are struggling to come to terms with the nature and extent of the changes facing them both now and in the future. Modern psychological models of motivation and change, and of how people … Continue reading Cultivating hope and managing despair
Creating a sustainable, viable, future path for civilisation
John Sharry’s paper ‘Hope in the Face of Disaster ‘ presented at Social Justice Ireland’s social policy conference 2013 ‘A Future Worth Living For’. Summary Taking a long term view, this paper explores the many crises that civilisation and humanity will face over the coming decades some of which are already starting to have an … Continue reading Creating a sustainable, viable, future path for civilisation