Articles by John Sharry

My son seems very unhappy at university

QUESTION My 19-year-old son started university this year and he appears very unhappy there. He does not seem to be engaging well with the course material and may not be getting on particularly well with the class. He was much happier in school even during the Leaving Cert and has been happy and active in … Continue reading My son seems very unhappy at university

My daughter hates secondary school

QUESTION Our 13-year-old daughter hates school. She is not able to give me a specific reason, just that she hates every minute of the day. She has a sad face going out every morning and a sadder one coming back in the afternoon. This can swiftly turn to anger depending on which way one might … Continue reading My daughter hates secondary school

My adult son is disrespectful to his girlfriend

QUESTION My 26-year-old son’s behaviour towards his girlfriend has been giving me cause for concern for some time. They have been together since they were in their early teens and are planning to move in together this summer. The problem is that, on occasion, he shows very little respect for her. I find it both … Continue reading My adult son is disrespectful to his girlfriend

My daughter is struggling with friendships

QUESTION My 10-year-old daughter is having trouble with some friends in school. It centres on her relationship with one girl who she expects to be a much closer friend than she actually is (this girl has lots of other friends and does not want to see my daughter as much as my daughter wants to … Continue reading My daughter is struggling with friendships

How can we manage tantrums?

QUESTION Our issues are with our three-year-old son who has been waking one to two times most nights. It started about a year and a half ago and it has now progressed to full-blown screaming with demands that we go into him. We would wait to see if it stopped but he is so determined … Continue reading How can we manage tantrums?

My son will not eat food unless mashed

QUESTION I have a three-year-old son who refuses to eat any meal put in front of him unless it’s a snack or has been fully mashed. If we do manage to get a morsel into him, he can hold it in his mouth for more than an hour rather than swallowing it. He attends a … Continue reading My son will not eat food unless mashed

My son is always left on the sidelines at matches

QUESTION My son is under 12 and turns up for GAA training. He is often left on the sidelines, but as the ages get higher, it has got worse. Now they are bringing under-11s up to play matches while he stands around in the cold. I am sure it’s not the first time you have … Continue reading My son is always left on the sidelines at matches

Our five-year-old has started acting babyish

QUESTION My five-year-old daughter has become really babyish and is pretending to be much younger than she is. She has always been quite an advanced child who learned things quickly, such as dressing herself. But recently she has been refusing to do this and wants me to help her. She pretends she can’t put on … Continue reading Our five-year-old has started acting babyish

‘My 10-year-old son is the class clown and always in trouble’

QUESTION I am concerned about my 10-year-old son who can be really immature sometimes and is always acting the class clown. He loves to make everyone laugh but I feel that he cannot recognise the difference between people laughing at him or laughing with him. He is the one who acts out and gets into … Continue reading ‘My 10-year-old son is the class clown and always in trouble’

My seven-year-old son struggles to go to sleep

QUESTION My seven-year-old son really struggles to go to sleep at night. His bedtime routine starts at 7.30pm – he has a bath, a small glass of milk and a bedtime story. He might read for a bit but he keeps finding excuses to come downstairs and he starts playing with anything he can find … Continue reading My seven-year-old son struggles to go to sleep

My son was bullied for a year before we knew

QUESTION Our 11-year-old son was bullied in school for over a year and it has affected him badly. Unfortunately, he was too scared to tell us but we found out eventually from his school. The bullying happened when my son was in fourth class. The other child was older, in sixth class, and is no … Continue reading My son was bullied for a year before we knew

How can I manage my little boy’s aggression and meltdowns?

QUESTION I am losing faith in my ability to parent our son constructively; he is almost four. He has become increasingly aggressive with me and has begun to lash out physically when reprimanded or told “No”. I am trying to follow the positive parenting paradigm and trying to use positive language, even in adversity. I … Continue reading How can I manage my little boy’s aggression and meltdowns?

My daughter worries about ‘bad’ things she has done

QUESTION Our eight-year-old constantly brings up “bad” things she has done in the past which she is worried about or which she feels guilty about. They are relatively minor things, such as a time when she did not share with a friend or when she was naughty in school. Some happened a long time ago … Continue reading My daughter worries about ‘bad’ things she has done

My son (10) is still mourning his grandad, four years on.

QUESTION My son is 10 years-old. His grandfather died four years ago after a two-year battle with cancer, when my son was six. There was a warm special bond between the two and he was understandably upset. However, even now, over four years on my son still seems to be grieving. He gets visibly upset … Continue reading My son (10) is still mourning his grandad, four years on.

My 3 year old’s tantrums are embarrassing

QUESTION My three-year-old son can have these big meltdowns and the slightest thing can spark him off. I can just about manage them at home, but they are really difficult when we are out. He has now had a few when I collect him from preschool. One time he lay on the ground and would … Continue reading My 3 year old’s tantrums are embarrassing

How best to help my granddaughter with Selective Mutism?

QUESTION Arising from your recent article, I would like your advice on how to manage our granddaughter. She was very vocal with us until the age of four, albeit she was shy with other adults. She is now six and talks to her parents and her young friends but she has been muting with us … Continue reading How best to help my granddaughter with Selective Mutism?

My five-year-old has selective mutism

QUESTION My daughter is almost five years old and has gone through a year of playschool without speaking a word to the teacher or children there. She speaks freely at home but does not speak to extended family or anyone else. But she will speak to me, my husband and her brothers anywhere. She is … Continue reading My five-year-old has selective mutism

My teenager is getting in trouble and I can’t get through to him

QUESTION I am the mum of four children ranging in age from nine to 18. I have taken the same approach to parenting all of them and feel that it is working for me most of the time. However, I am finding it impossible to get through to my 14-year-old son. He is a very … Continue reading My teenager is getting in trouble and I can’t get through to him

My 8-year-old can be quite judgmental of other children

QUESTION Have you any tips on how to deal with a child who sticks very much to the rules and can be quite judgmental? My daughter is eight years old and, at times, can judge others in a negative way. She doesn’t always say something negative but she has a “look” that other children definitely … Continue reading My 8-year-old can be quite judgmental of other children

Toilet training our two-year-old is a bit of a strain

QUESTION I was wondering if you have any advice or can point me in the direction of help as I am struggling with toilet training my little girl, who is two years and 10 months old. We had a failed attempt in August and decided we wouldn’t try again until she was ready. Last week … Continue reading Toilet training our two-year-old is a bit of a strain

Is my son’s imaginary friend a problem?

QUESTION My five-year-old son is an only child. Since he was about 3½ years old, he has had imaginary friends. He goes through different phases and different friends. Sometimes he would have animal friends similar to his soft toys and recently he has had an imaginary friend called “Jack” who he imagines to be a … Continue reading Is my son’s imaginary friend a problem?

My five-year-old son ‘holds on’ to his wee and poo

QUESTION My son, who is just five, has been having major problems going to the toilet and in particular “holding on” to his number ones and number twos so much so that I feel it is having a major impact on his life and wellbeing. There is nothing medically wrong with him, in that once … Continue reading My five-year-old son ‘holds on’ to his wee and poo

Our daughter is struggling since the death of a classmate

QUESTION Six months ago my daughter, who has just turned 16, had to cope with the death of a girl in her class who died after a short battle with a serious illness. Our daughter was not particularly close to the girl but, as you can imagine, she was still very upset as were the … Continue reading Our daughter is struggling since the death of a classmate

My 11-year-old daughter is struggling with friends

QUESTION My daughter is 11 and going into 6th class this September, but she is having a difficult summer. She has always found it hard to make many friends as she can be quite shy and not forward in groups. This means she can be left out of some of the invitation lists for parties … Continue reading My 11-year-old daughter is struggling with friends

Tourette’s Syndrome: Help me help my son

QUESTION I hope you can help me with my son who has tics and Tourette’s syndrome. His tics wax and wane constantly. Some are ones only we as parents would notice; others are sporadic, sudden and obvious. He has adapted well and, luckily, he gets the verbal tics for only a few weeks every three … Continue reading Tourette’s Syndrome: Help me help my son

Should I listen to my friend’s advice on my baby’s sleep habits?

QUESTION We have a seven-month-old son who is very placid and content. He was breastfed exclusively up until we started introducing solids at 5½ months and two weeks ago, we started introducing formula feeds and weaning him off the breast. All of this is going very well. Our concern arises over his sleep routine and, … Continue reading Should I listen to my friend’s advice on my baby’s sleep habits?

My six-year-old son is very negative and often in a bad mood

QUESTION My son, who just turned six over Christmas, can be very negative and grumpy. He whines all the time when he doesn’t want to do things. Even when we take him swimming, he can whine and moan and say he does not want to go – despite the fact he always enjoys it when … Continue reading My six-year-old son is very negative and often in a bad mood

Competition and rewards in the classroom

QUESTION I have heard you speak about the dangers of encouraging overcompetitiveness in young children. My question is how to deal with the situation in a school where my six-year-old, along with the boys at the same table, compete for “An Bord is Fearr”, which means that the “best” table each week gets a prize … Continue reading Competition and rewards in the classroom

How can I help my daughter knuckle down to study?

QUESTION My daughter has just started the senior cycle but is finding it hard to knuckle down and do some work. She had a great transition year full of good experiences and was off at the Gaeltacht for a lot of the summer and now she seems to be completely out of the rhythm of … Continue reading How can I help my daughter knuckle down to study?

I dread going back to work and leaving my baby

QUESTION I am the mother of a gorgeous eight-month-old boy and am due to go back to work at the end of January. I am totally confused about whether to take extra parental leave. On the one hand, although it has been hard, overall I have really loved being at home with my son. The … Continue reading I dread going back to work and leaving my baby

Our teenager seems down in the dumps and withdrawn

QUESTION My 15-year-old daughter seems to be unhappy all the time, and my wife and I are worried about her. She seems down in the dumps and spends a lot of her time just moping around the house. This is something that has been slowly building over the past 12 months or so. She seems … Continue reading Our teenager seems down in the dumps and withdrawn

Encopresis/Soiling: My grandson soils his underpants several times a day

QUESTION I am writing to you about my five- year-old grandson. For the past year he has been defecating in his underpants several times a day. He is the eldest of two children and my daughter is expecting another baby in April. My daughter is a psychotherapist and took him to see a psychologist last … Continue reading Encopresis/Soiling: My grandson soils his underpants several times a day

How can I bond with my son? We are always fighting.

QUESTION I seem to be fighting constantly with my four-year-old son. He is demanding and whingy, and I end up shouting all the time. I know a lot of it is my fault, because I don’t think I really bonded with him. I was depressed when he was born and then again two years later … Continue reading How can I bond with my son? We are always fighting.

How can I help my younger daughter move out of her big sister’s shadow?

QUESTION My three-year-old daughter lives in the shadow of her six-year-old sister. In some ways it is very cute – she follows her around all the time and looks up to her – but sometimes I think it is too much. She can be very passive and just lets her sister get her own way … Continue reading How can I help my younger daughter move out of her big sister’s shadow?

My 13-year-old son is addicted to online gaming

QUESTION My son, who is 13, is completely addicted to technology, particularly online gaming which he would happily spend the entire day on if he was allowed. It has got to the point where he barely engages in family life and is doing the minimum of homework. We are fighting all the time about it. … Continue reading My 13-year-old son is addicted to online gaming

Should I allow my 11-year-old have a smartphone?

QUESTION My 11-year-old daughter is pushing to have her own smartphone to play games and to email her friends. I have resisted so far because, to be honest, I feel a bit at sea over the whole technology issue. I am worried about what she might be exposed to. The other day, she was looking … Continue reading Should I allow my 11-year-old have a smartphone?

How to talk to children about terrorism and murder?

QUESTION We have three children aged four, six and eight, and we are worried about the impact of all the bad news on TV on them, particularly the eldest. With the recent terrorist attacks and gangland killings, there has been a lot of bad news recently. We try to protect the children from it by … Continue reading How to talk to children about terrorism and murder?

‘How can we conquer the homework battle?’

QUESTION Since my son moved into fourth class, things have become really difficult at home. He is getting a lot more homework this year and it has become a real battle to get him to do it. He is in bad form the minute he comes out of school as he knows he has to … Continue reading ‘How can we conquer the homework battle?’